Here I was thinking I was going to make it through an entire photography course without having to photograph humans. I looked at the syllabus, I picked my subjects very carefully…but I guess it was inevitable. The world is so full of people, they’re bound to stumble into your shots at some point. And so, we must learn how to photograph them.

I don’t get on with people all that well. Honestly, I’d rather photograph animals, because at least they can be rooted in place with treats and even if the photos are bad, people will still think they’re cute. Humans are just complex.

Alright, so…how am I going to get around this assignment? Time-Lapse of the Human Condition. That’s pretty broad, so I’m thinking I’ll abuse it. When are people totally still? Complex beauty procedures. What do people love? Before and after shots, especially of themselves. I know stuff like laser hair removal, which is popular in Melbourne, as are all those other beauty treatments. Not entirely sure of the ins and outs, but I think people have to stay very still during those procedures. All I need to do is ask someone if they wouldn’t mind me taking some pictures to chronicle the process of their laser hair removal, and that’s it. I have some very impressive before and after pictures, minimal effort involved, and the human subject cannot move and ruin it all, as they so often do.

Sometimes I impress myself. Oh, and the cherry on top is that it’s the time of year when all the courses are having their balls and galas and celebrations, where everyone gets dressed up. Loads of people will be searching Melbourne beauty clinics for lip fillers and anti wrinkle treatments, whatever they like. I have a wealth of subjects. Maybe for extra credit I’ll ask a few people. And if it’s a LIP filler, they probably can’t even talk to me during the shoot. This idea is flawless.