Strange questions but, ever been to an Emo Party? I didn’t even know that emo culture still existed, but I guess so long as there are shops that sell nothing but chains and black clothing, there must be people keeping them in business. Thing is, I never even knew my friend Rachel was into that kind of thing, and we have known each other a really long time. In University during a group assignment with six people, Rachel and I were the ones doing all the work while everyone else slacked off, and it made us pretty close. And now she’s having an emo-themed party for her 22nd? I did ask beforehand: it wasn’t some ironic joke thing. It was all totally serious.

So yeah, there are birthday party venues that cater in Melbourne to different cultures. Or at least ones that are totally fine with decking themselves out in all black. I didn’t know what to wear to this event, but Rachel just said all black with loads of eyeliner and I’d blend in just fine. In fact, it wasn’t about trying. That was how you showed you were interested in stuff, and that was the opposite of emo. I made a judgement call that it’d be okay to rip up some of my clothes, give them that real harrowed look. Another rule of emo culture: look like you didn’t care about your appearance while secretly caring a lot. Ripped clothing shows how you view the establishment, man. Or something. That might be hippies. I hope the party venue has really nice catering, I can’t think of many tasty foods that don’t have colour. I guess fruit platters are out.

So here’s me, standing in this specialised birthday party venue place holding a cup of grape juice and wondering if perhaps emo and goth had collided with a slice of vampire chick lit thrown in. Everyone looked so dour and sad, and some people looked like they’d forced themselves to cry and ruin their eyeliner. The music switched between metal and acapella poetry reading.

Nobody really talked, instead lounging around looking miserable. So yeah, fun! Still sort of convinced that it was all satire, but everyone seemed pretty sincere. Personally, I’m just really impressed that there are function rooms for hire that, when asked about strange parties, just shrug and say “yeah, sure. Black or really dark grey?”