With Frank the Prankster Painter on his way, I have to make sure everything is ready for our prank of ultimate revenge. There are five main parts to this plan. I’ll tell you all about them now.

Step one: get Stefano on top of a nearby building—one with a pair of binoculars that you have to pay in order to use. Stefano will be on the lookout for any complications, equipped with a radio so that he can get in contact with the rest of our crew.

Step two: have Tim and his team get to work completing a driveway painting. They are to use the slipperiest paint around so that when Frank’s car arrives, it slides straight forward with nothing the prankster can do to stop it. The paint basically needs to be pure, slippery grease.

Step three: hope that Isabel is ready with the stolen UFO acquired from Area 51. Easily the most difficult part of the plan, given that we aren’t even sure there are any UFOs in Area 51, and Nevada is pretty far away, so I’m not even sure she will get there in time. As the most daring painter offering service throughout Melbourne, though, I’m sure she is up to the task.

Step four: ignore step three, because it is likely to fail completely.

Step five: make sure that the pool at the end of my driveway is completely filled up so that Frank’s car drives straight into it when his car slides along the paint. Then we’ll all stand there and laugh as his car fills up with water until, eventually, we decide that he has been pranked enough and let him out.

So, what do you think about this prank plan? I think it will show Frank for messing with me. I also think it will teach him a lesson about cool prankster names. I mean, come on, your name is Frank. You could be Prank Sinatra, but instead, you choose to be Frank the Prankster Painter? That’s just lame.