There are a LOT of termites in this house. As in, you wouldn’t believe how many termites there are even if I told you, because there are just so many it’s hard to describe. I did make the mistake of mentioning that I’m very fastidious and house-proud on the application form, so maybe that’s it. Why did I even apply to be a part of Termite Troubles in the first place? I suppose a part of me thought that I was going to drag the family into this silly game show, then impress the entire nation by cleaning up the place and making it termite free.

Well, that hasn’t happened. I can see why there are people in Dandenong who do termite control for a living, because it’s really not as simple as bringing a can of bug spray and letting loose whenever you see something moving. The termites have been here so long they’ve chewed away most of the work surfaces and tables, so we have to eat on our knees most of the time. Cooking is a difficulty since the cupboards have been eaten away and the termites keep getting in the food. And honestly, I’m very unsure about the stairs. They’re made of wood, and…there’s just a lot of creaking. Then we’re on camera basically all the time, and we keep getting given these sudden DIY projects. I’m determined we can stick it out for the three months and win the grand prize, but at what cost?

I can tell you, if I ever see the tiniest sign of termites in my home, I’m hitting that panic button. Mornington termite inspection agents will flood the place and it’ll all be sorted within the hour. Nobody should have to live like this, ever. Except if it’s on television, to entertain millions of people in order to win a huge prize, of course.