Drains: humans fear them. I think it has to tie into the idea of the dark being an unknown, terrifying thing for most people, and enclosed spaces being more or less the same principle, and drains are both. Dark, and enclosed…and full of food scraps, or worse. Me? I secretly quite enjoy them.

I very nearly blew my cover in the office this morning when I came across Dillon and Vicki in the break room this morning. Usually the two can be found in the corner, performing the human ritual of locking their lips together and making plunger noises, but this time they were staring at the sink with some concern.

It, also, was making plunger noises. Dillon suggested that we look up some blocked drain specialists. Melbourne on a Monday morning may or not be the best time for such a thing. Regardless, before I could stop myself, there I was trying to stick my arm down the drain. I cheerfully explained that I’d see what I could do, but then I noticed both of them looking at me like I was a freak. I quickly stopped, pulling out my sleeve, now covered in slime and grime.

I managed to pass off the whole incident as me being a plumbing apprentice when I was younger, but I suppose the thing to do would have at least been to roll up my sleeve first, so…yeah. My mum would have something to say about this. “Leave things like drain clearing and unblocking to the professionals!” she will snap. “That’s been on the list of delegated professional tasks since day one, and you haven’t learned!”

I feel a tad ashamed, a feeling I’m well acquainted with due to my predilection for drains. Anyway, Dillon looked up his Melbourne drain cleaning friends, and I suppose they’re coming at some point quite soon. Until then, we can’t use the kitchen. I at least know to make it look like I’m as disappointed by this as everyone else.