There are so many dumb ways to die. Like eating a two-week-old un-refrigerated pie, or taking your helmet off in outer space, or dressing up like a moose during hunting season. I guess you could also sell both of your kidneys on the internet.

But the dumbest way to die would be to not obey basic workplace safety rules. Somehow, I have to get that message across at the National Trades-person Conference next Saturday, and I’m stuck for a creative way to do it. Last year some guy made a weird short film that no one really got, and the year before that it was a live-action drama set in the medieval period where everyone died at the end. There was SO much fake blood that they had to take fifteen minutes to mop the stage before the next speaker could step up.

So yeah, while the pressure is on, I don’t really have a high bar to leap over. Maybe a song? Nah, that’s silly. I should collate some data and maybe do some interviews with foremen. My initial findings indicate that accidents with mobile aluminium scaffolding have gone down by 62% on the last five years, due to a widespread shift from wood to aluminium and other sturdier metals. I could probably make that into an entire segment. Maybe I could have someone setting up scaffolding behind me, using very slow and methodical technique so it exemplifies the amount of care everyone should be taking when setting up scaffolding. After all, a great deal of workplace accidents are caused by people in high positions- like on ladders, platforms etc.- not taking the proper precautions or simply fooling around where they should not be.  

Alright, great. If people get bored with me talking, they can look behind me and see the scaffolding being set up. After that…interviews. Really, I just need to keep it simple and not turn it into a gimmick. This is essential workplace safety we’re talking about here. They’re all gathered to learn how to wear helmets, not fool around, be careful with power tools and not cut corners when setting up aluminium platforms. It’s definitely a start. But maybe a song would top everything off?

-I. Lennox