I’m Illinois James, famous explorer and archeologist. Maybe you’ve heard of me? If you haven’t, do not worry, for there will be plenty of time to get acquainted with my many adventures. Did you know that we found the holy grail? Well, rather, I found it. Without my knowledge, they never would have checked behind that waterfall in the middle of Russia. Unfortunately, it didn’t make me immortal. No, the myths of the holy grail were actually horribly mistranslated. It turns out that drinking from the cup of life only summons a spirit who calls out “I’m mortal” every twenty seconds, even though he is clearly dead. It was a bit of a letdown, in the end.

Lately, I’ve been travelling across Australia, looking for ancient artefacts. My quest began with a car service in Moorabin, followed by a long drive toward Uluru. I’m convinced that there’s something buried under that giant rock, and I’m going to find out what it is. My hypothesis is aliens. There’s no way a rock that size occurred naturally, so it must actually be a meteor, hiding an ancient civilisation of extraterrestrials. Hopefully, I can find one of their ships and bring it back to an auto electrician. It might be the key to unlocking flying vehicles if we can work out what the aliens have done.

I’m just hoping this doesn’t turn out like Peru again, where I felt certain that the amazon rainforest was actually a giant turtle, dormant for a thousand years. I gathered people for a whole big expedition, only to find out that it had been for nothing. As far as I can tell, the amazon is perfectly natural.

What makes me think Uluru will be any different? It’s just a hunch, really. That’s all we archeologists and explorers can go off because if we knew the truth, there wouldn’t be any point in the expedition. The day we stop asking questions is the day we’d might as well stop existing. And so, I have to ask, is Uluru hiding anything? I won’t know until I get there.