This may be the greatest civil war our office has ever faced. We are split down the middle. Friend against friend, battle lines drawn, vitriol flowing like water. Okay, I lied about that last one. Even when the four of us have debates, they’re of the friendly sort. I think, weirdly, that we’re all so different that we can’t actually cause genuine offence. It’s like a friendship sweet spot, and I quite like it.

Anyway, so…pets. Pets are awesome, and everyone knows it, because it’s an objective fact. Dogs and cats especially were created to be our stalwart companions upon this Earth, and at least Niko agrees with me. He’s the sane one. Min and Quentin said they’re not bothered about animals, and oh…palpitations. Such palpitations. We’re supposed to be writing for pet surgeries near the Bayside area, and a few others, which really gives me a lot of creative inspiration. Not that I ever studied as a vet (I didn’t quite get the grades) but I’ve been to them loads with Socrates and Jeroboam (our giant hamsters). Let’s face it, I just…I love animals. So I get to write about people who help animals feel better when they’re poorly! Or stuff like desexing, that’s also something that happens. Socrates especially wasn’t happy when we had that done, since he had a secret crush on Jeroboam and now we’ve ruined their love story forever. But it was better for everyone. Jeroboam wasn’t the romantic type; or rather, his heart belonged to shredded pieces of desiccated coconut.

Then Min and Quentin casually mentioned that they don’t see the point of pets. And oh, it was on like Donkey-Kong.  We tried to convince them that pets were our best friends, and that a human by default has to love them because we’re wired to enjoy cute things and want to protect them, but…alas. Our protests fell on cold, unfeeling, soulless deaf ears. So sad, many tears.

But that’s fine. Niko and I (the normal folk) will cover all the stuff relating to the emergency vet. Bayside and beyond. Because we understand.