Sometimes living in a sharehouse is the worst – for example, when you see your housemate accidentally lose a piece of toast down the side of the stove, knowing full well that it’s never going to see the light of day any time soon. Or when you go to use the bathroom sink and find the plughole full of hair. How does that happen?

Don’t get me wrong; most of the time I love it. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t put up with this dump. But some mornings I do have to wonder about how other people’s minds work. Am I the only one around here who wants a sparkling clean kitchen and bathroom? Granted, it’s not easy to feel inspired to that end when all the fixtures are in dire need of replacement. What’s one bit of toast amidst a decade’s worth of kitchen residue lost behind that old stove. 

Still, I can dream of custom kitchen design possibilities. Like, maybe an arrangement where toast can’t pop out of the toaster and into that weird gap in the cabinetry. What about a kitchen island, so more than one person can work at the same time? And storage solutions that don’t see my good blender teetering on the edge of some dusty, inaccessible shelf.

Don’t even get me started on my ideas for a serious bathroom remodelling – Melbourne design nerds, keep your distance. Suffice to say that I’d be happy with a design that has some semblance of sense to it: ample space to step out of the shower without stubbing your toe on the toilet bowl, for example. While I’m on the subject, I will say that I’d be pretty keen on a rainfall-style showerhead and a bathtub that doesn’t look like it would plucked from a 90s infomercial.

Having said all of this, I’m always happy to come home to a gang of friendly faces chatting in the kitchen – even if they do somehow manage to splash passata all over the windowsill. After all, it’s not their fault we don’t have a splashback.