You know, hard though it may be to believe, there are actually people who don’t settle their business via card games. I KNOW. There’s really no better way to solve any conundrum, because it’s so incredibly simple: you play a card game, and if you win…you win, whatever it was you were after. The conclusion to an argument, the securing of a business deal, the last slice of red velvet cake, whatever. And if you lose…you’ve lost. There’s no ambiguity, except if it’s discovered that the opponent was cheating. But that never happens. Card games are a sport of nobility and trust.

Everyone hired at my business has to respect the power of card games, and it’s about to get even more intense with me organising the new office designs. Melbourne based contractors are going to come in and renovate the whole place, thus streamlining it for business and card game success. Card game tables will be set up around the office, with various markings to accommodate all kinds of games, and I’m making every single piece of correspondence have a visual component, in case a card game becomes necessary.

Perhaps my favourite little flourish is the card recognition system. None of this ‘remembering a code’ business! No, people will instead carry their favourite card with them, and the system will be designed to recognize the individual cards, granting them access to the building. Card game wallpaper is a must, of course, and there will definitely be a viewing room where card games played in business meetings outside of the office can be watched by all employees.

I’m genuinely not sure if there are companies in Melbourne that do office fitouts that are ready for this kind of revamp. It’s almost certainly never been attempted, because only my family and I, and now my employees, recognize the importance of card games. But I’ll have my card game office if it’s the last thing I do. The world must know of the perfect fusion of business…and card games.